My Life's Purpose is like a Basket

                           

                                                 

When talk of resolutions and goals for the New Year peaked in early January, I started thinking about the bigger picture – the purpose of my life.  In the context of my January birthday and my focus on making the most of my remaining days, I was keen to articulate what I viewed as my life’s real purpose.  I had a very busy month with my birthday, my daughter’s birthday and my grandson’s birthday within a ten-day period.  I was also helping to stage another daughter’s house to get it ready to sell.  Then I was felled by a cold that lingered.  Just when I thought it was over, it would take on a new twist.   

       Remembering my intention to try to appreciate each moment, I let go of the pressure of trying to write this in January.  I cut back my schedule as much as I could to make my illness more palatable, and made getting well my priority.  There were too many times in my life when I made myself work through a cold so I wouldn’t get “behind.”  Fortunately quite a few years ago I decided that editing things off my to-do list made more sense.  And I can’t even remember anything significant that got left “behind.”  

       During this down time I have ruminated on the whole “life’s purpose” possibilities, and have had a few interesting trains of thought.  At first it seemed like a tangled necklace of issues - goals, expectations, accomplishments, hopes, stalled projects – that litter the trail of my life.  Some of these things are still alive, as a bucket list of sorts.  Not things I want to do or places I want to go – (yes, there are places I still want to go like Machu Pichu!) but I am thinking of how I want to Be in my life.

       I have spent many years of my life consciously seeking to be my highest self.  Beginning as a glimmer with “what’s it all about, and where do I fit in” thoughts from childhood to Socrates “the unexamined life is not worth living” from college philosophy, the underlying question of my life’s purpose has been being refined as I have lived.  One of my more recent discoveries has been from a very readable, short book by Paul Johnson titled Jesus: A Biography from a Believer.  He outlines a “new ten commandments” taken from the deeds and words of Jesus.  His first commandment (I paraphrase, here) says that it is man’s duty to become self-aware.  We are each given a unique personality with a mortal body and a timeless soul, in which our character is preserved. It is up to us to shape this personality that is given to us at birth.  To make the most of the gifts we have been given and strive to make conscious and ethical choices. This forms the basis of what I view as man’s ultimate purpose in life.

       This is where the “my life’s purpose is like a basket” analogy comes in.  There’s so much that needs to be “done” in daily life – earning a living, taking care of family, food, shelter, transportation, fixing things that break, health issues, chickens and ducks - ok, not everyone has the chicken and duck piece - and on and on.  Then there are all the other things I plan - the dreams and goals.  This whole bunch of tangles is part of something larger.  All of these begin, and sometimes end, in my head.  Some of them never make it off the launch pad!  Some of them have been rattling around in there for years.  It isn’t a problem to hold on to hopes, plans or dreams, but when they become expectations that disappoint me, that make me feel like I’ve somehow failed, they are diminishing the quality of my life.

       So I picture my life’s purpose - the development of my personality, the ongoing “peeling the onion” of my highest self – like a basket that holds all the other stuff.  All the things I do, all the highs and lows of daily life are held within the context of “who I am” – the qualities God gave me.  I like the expression that has been printed in various forms that “life is a gift from God and what we do with it is our gift to Him.”

       As for my tangle of goals and dreams, my bucket list of lifetime desires, I am going to actually make a written list and examine it.  Some things I may cross off as not worth the effort of even thinking about, with others I have already begun to re-define what they mean, and with some I think I am already doing it.   I don't want to spend my precious time being overwhelmed by trying to do everything I may once have dreamed of.

             "The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary 
so that the necessary may speak."        
                                                              Hans Hoffman

                    

                                                                       

Birthday Present

     I started my birthday celebrations off with a bang yesterday at a luncheon given by my friend Rose.  She made the most delicious quiche any of us had ever had.  It was about a two and a half inch high tower of moist, fluffy, cheesy delight with a hint of bacon, tomatoes and herbs, crowned with a flaky to-die-for crust.  Paired with a very tasty salad and finished with a desert specialty of hers that is a trifle-like meringue concoction rolled in sugared toasted almonds served with fresh berries.  Seated around her beautifully set table, in her impeccable home it was our group of six who work out in the same classes several times a week.  Truly a perfect way to approach the dawn of seventy-one years!  In my blog entry last May 9^th I mentioned these ladies and how much incentive it added that at least some of us go downstairs for tea and a good chat after we work out.

                              

       When I started this blog a year ago, it was with the awareness that time was growing exceedingly precious. Of course, time has always been precious; age has just put a spotlight on it.  It’s my awareness of this that has intensified, and it’s by keeping this on my daily radar that I can fulfill the plan I made: to create as much heaven as I can for myself and others as I move closer to the top of the stairway.  The gift I can give myself everyday is to remember Lazy Woman’s Commandment  # 2, and “live the moment you are living, while you are living it.” 

       Sound simple?  This is not as easy as it sounds.  It’s the subject of books and workshops, at the core of Buddhist meditations, and explained in detail by Eckhart Tolle in “The Power of Now.”  His account of how the ego views the present moment is a perfect description of the path my mind will take, if I don’t stop it in its tracks!   “To the ego, the present moment is, at best, only useful as a means to an end.  It gets you to some future moment that is considered more important, even though the future never comes except as the present moment and is therefore never more than a thought in your head.  In other words, you are never fully here because you are always busy trying to get elsewhere.”  When it senses a looming problem, my mind becomes fixated on trying to figure out what’s coming next so that I will be prepared to avert a crisis.  Or maybe I think that “preparing” myself for a negative outcome will make bad news easier to take.  Or maybe I’m just in a judging frenzy about how a project is going, or how someone else is performing.  Then there is the annoyed mind, where other drivers, noisy diners, loud cell phone talkers on the train, or rude people in cramped spaces have me all wound up.  This is an exhausting way to live when the present moment is gobbled up by fear, frustration or irritation. 

       The challenge is with the how to stay in the present moment, and the how is built on day-to-day awareness.  How will I get my mind in check when I start to get caught up in the future or dragged into re-writing yesterday?  My mind needs to be reminded to stay in the present regularly, so I try to start the day with prayers and meditation to get me headed in the right direction.  I also keep notes with reminders on the fridge door, in my car, in pockets and purses, so throughout the day I can regroup.  I print things like the Serenity Prayer or Lazy Woman’s Guide Commandments “This too shall pass,” “you are resting in the hands of God (the universe),” “you can either be right or happy” - and to really shift focus #6 “put your attention outside of yourself.”  I do something to draw my attention outside of my thoughts.  If I take action in the garden, with my animals, helping someone with something, really noticing the beauty all around me - in the sky, dew on leaves, the colors of the vegetables I am cutting – I become more present in the moment.  The present moment is only available RIGHT NOW!  Revel in it, ease into it – and if it’s a difficult one, try to relax and breathe.  Don’t put fear, and anxiety about what’s next, on top of what’s already difficult.  This moment is your life!  It’s the only one you can guarantee.  I thank God for the precious present.

         “Worry never robs tomorrow of it’s sorrow; it only saps 

              today of its strength.”  A.J. Cronin

                                         

Rufus, The Doggie Lama, brings the peace.

                        

 

New Year's Eve

                              

       The end of the year is drawing near, and the holiday that accompanies it is soon upon us.  My earliest memories of this celebration involve my parents, aunts and uncles and assorted friends in fancy clothes with lots of cocktails - Mad Men style!  Later in my life they disappeared to a club – Lions, Knights of Columbus, and ultimately a Country Club.  By then my brother and I were old enough to be home alone (in the old days that was probably 12 and 10) and we watched TV, ate chips with Lipton Soup onion dip and drank soda.  Staying up as late as we wanted, watching whatever we wanted on TV and having unmonitored junk food was all very exciting.  It was once a year and very special.  Yet I always had a nagging feeling of “is that all there is?”  The big hype about ringing in the “new year” and making resolutions held high expectations, but seemed anti-climactic.

       This changed somewhat when I got to the “partying” age myself.  Although I didn’t start to drink until I was 18 a lot of the boys I hung out with started several years earlier, and there was pressure to drink in order to have fun on New Year’s Eve.  I usually managed to avoid this, but when I hit college it was all about “partying” on New Year’s Eve.  Maybe it was my childhood memories of disappointment, but I never expected much from this holiday and felt like people were forcing the fun aspect.  “What are you doing for New Year’s” became more than a song lyric.  If you didn’t have a plan, a date, you felt somehow lacking - like prom-date-pressure in high school!  It became stressful trying to make sure you had exciting plans.

       When I was about thirty, and married with four daughters, we moved to Pasadena into a beautiful neighborhood that was the “formation” area for the Rose Parade.  This solves any New Year’s Eve dilemma!  When your neighborhood becomes ground zero for marching bands, parading horses, float line up and thousands of spectators heading toward the parade route, you have to either join the festivities or leave town! For the twenty-five years that we lived there it meant a New Year’s Eve party that was actually a big slumber party!  The guests were mostly my cousins and their families - the same crew from the Holiday Ebb & Flow blog, only we were younger!  We provided the house, they brought the sleeping bags and breakfast fixings.  I stayed out of the breakfast scene since there were already four sisters negotiating the timing, prep, service and the much-debated financial split for at least twenty-five people.  Most everyone actually walked up the street to the parade route with a couple of the men carrying ladders and a plank to set up behind the people in lawn chairs on the parkway.  This way our little ones had a great view and somehow the parade never really got old and you couldn’t help but be caught up in the excitement and festivities.  

                   

Calling The Snake with NewYear's Eve greetings!

Mike & J football watching & cat napping New Year's day!

       I have not gone to the Rose Parade since we moved from that neighborhood. We did have a few “sleep over” New Year’s Eve parties in our current house, but eventually that family tradition faded away.  Sometimes I see photos from those parties and I get nostalgic when I think of family and friends who have passed on or we don’t see much anymore.  Those are such fond memories, but I try to remember the whole picture and how exhausted I was for days afterwards.  It took lots of preparation, there were lots of people in my house for over 24 hours, there was lots of cleanup - and I didn’t get lots of sleep! 

                                    

Max & I walking home before the tourist buses take over the streets.

       These days my husband and I usually have a very sedate New Year’s Eve celebration.  Since we live in a big old house with lots of beds it can include some of our children and grandchildren and maybe some of their friends.  Sometimes our next-door neighbors have a lovely open house, but often the night includes a movie we have been looking forward to.  It is all about enjoying a day at a holiday pace, slacking on the to-do-list or just doing what we feel motivated to do – in other words, no pressure.

       I have a Facebook friend I have never met, but sometimes I know more about his daily life than I do about those I am close to.  Most of my Facebook “friends” are family, friends in my daily world or friends from the past.  Essentially we all share “the good bits” of our lives on Facebook.  Not many people post an unattractive selfie, a photo of an occasion they were in pain or a life event that was devastating.  This friend is different.  He posts it all, and with a wicked sense of humor.  He continues to deal with major medical issues, chemotherapy, healthcare system nightmares, and everyday survival while on his own with a life threatening illness.  As if this is not challenging enough several months ago his much loved partner passed after a long illness.  His posts have an honesty that is rare.  This is his life, unedited.  When I think about my motivation for starting the Stairway to Heaven blog a year ago, it was my desire to live my life as though every moment was the precious gift that it is, no matter what it held.  He has inspired me to dig deeper, look closer at my thoughts and my actions and edit out those that get in the way.  Happy New Year/Birthday, Rob and thank you for sharing!   

       So this is my New Year’s resolution.  I will continue to try to make the most of the gifts God has given me, and share my journey on the stairway to heaven.