Oldie, But Still a Goodie!

       “God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.”  This is a form of a longer prayer written by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr that was modified and has been used by Alcoholics Anonymous since the early 1940s.  OK, so I know most people are familiar with the Serenity Prayer.  But if you really use this prayer, and apply it to everything, it is transformative.  By really using it I mean that you must say it when you are burdened by worry or don’t know what to do about something and be willing to apply it to everything - no picking and choosing which life and death decisions you get to make, and which ones to turn over to God!

       In theory this sounds pretty easy, but even the first part can be difficult.  Just the words, “accept the things I cannot change” can be daunting when you are faced with serious illness or personal issues with yourself or loved ones.  The more serious the issue the more difficult it can be to accept that ultimately, no matter how hard you work to figure out the best course of action, things may not go well.  I also want to point out here that accepting the things I cannot change does not necessarily translate into doing nothing.  There still may be therapies, treatments, plans and things to do, and there is always prayer.  What it does mean, is that you accept that you don’t control the outcome.  This is where the serenity starts to kick it.

       Challenge number two is the courage to change the things I can.   The first hurdle is figuring out what your role is.  You are not in control of someone else’s life and you are not even in control of many things in your own life.  This is where the wisdom to know the difference comes in to play.  When you are worried about someone else, there is a built in barrier to taking action unless the person is a young child, incapacitated or asking you take the reins.  Here as with your own life, problems are complex and there’s usually no easy solution, so seeking counsel and praying are in order.

       Now, I’ve come full circle to saying the Serenity Prayer.  In the darkest hours I say this non-stop – it always helps, sometimes to a wondrous effect.  There is of course the soothing part from just continuing to remind myself that there is much about life I cannot change.  It's still sometimes shocking to me that I can’t figure it all out, and fix everything, but in releasing myself from that responsibility and turning it over to God, I find a certain peace of mind.   It is in a more tranquil state that the magic can happen.  My mind, unclouded by fear and anxiety, stops struggling to find answers, and thoughts just appear.  Ideas to comfort me or a loved one.  Ideas for things I can change.  The space to enjoy my life no matter what is going on.  If you or someone you love struggles with addiction, depression or just a difficult passage in life, it can seem like you are living under a dark cloud.  Praying for the serenity needed to navigate the ups and downs of circumstances way beyond your control can let a little sunshine in to your life. 

       After all, I think it is the serenity that our souls are searching for underneath all our striving and seeking.  This explains the person who has everything one could ever want or need but is discontent, as well as the person in humble circumstances whose face radiates with joy.  Just saying “God grant me serenity” is a worthy prayer.                           

          

    

Back to Reality

   
            Time to take a break from chores!  We had a long day working our way back home from our much loved and enjoyed family trip to Canada.  All of us gathered for lunch at Trolls in Horseshoe Bay on the way to Vancouver, and we were blessed with gorgeous weather for this important tradition.  From the time we hit the traffic jam crossing Lion’s Gate Bridge (everyone was out on a Sunday enjoying the sunshine) the journey was a little less idyllic.  No problems at car rental return or check-in, but the waiting in line at security and passport control seemed endless.  We collectively reached our last straw at LAX with a long wait on the curb for the bus to take us to parking.  At that point we kept reminding ourselves of our magical trip, which made any suffering worth it.

       Today is clean up day – unpacking, laundry, mail sorting, egg gathering, animal tending, plant watering, and on it goes.  Now we all get “back to reality.”  It also happens to be J.P.’s 70 birthday. He had already been feted multiple times, starting with candles on his desert in Vancouver, a chorus of happy birthday at brunch and a birthday feast prepared by Max in our Intrawest kitchen.  At present J.P. is at his desk answering emails and making calls.  We took a lunch break to get a sandwich at Perry’s Joint, and will have bacon, tomato & avocado sandwiches while we catch up on “Game of Thrones” tonight.  Nothing fancy, but we are looking forward to watching a favorite show and eating some comfort food.  Not an exciting day, but never the less, a satisfying one.

       As I was folding laundry (not my favorite) I was thinking about how much fun our trip was and how shockingly fast the time went.  The planning and preparation were in the works for months, and suddenly it’s over.  It was so fresh in my memory that my folding seemed to fly by with visions of beautiful snowy mountains and smiling family faces.  I carried the images into the yard, but they faded when I began to notice new beauty around me.  Yes, some plants wilted from lack of water (we had a heat wave while we were gone) and there are lots of new weeds, but there are also new things blooming all around.  Some are spectacular and some are small and common, mixed in with the weeds, but when seen together they add up to a mass of lovely.   

       It’s somewhat like our exciting vacation, preceded by preparation and planning, and followed by un-packing, laundry and playing catch-up with daily life.  I see the joy in being aware of each moment.  When you appreciate how all the parts fit together, you are thankful for each piece, even folding the laundry.

Common little treasures

Who Invited you?

Dave and Conor waiting for flight

Once a year beauty!

Family Travel

       I love to travel, especially with my family.  There is a special dynamic to sharing adventure and beauty with the ones you love.  There are, however, always some challenges involved with travel, often with the transportation piece.  When there is a long ticketing/baggage line, followed by a long security line, resulting in a wait at the gate or, my least favorite, a delayed takeoff, everyone can get a little edgy.  This can result in a large group dealing with various levels of crankiness, making their way through customs, rental car pick-up and map reading before arriving at the hotel.  At this point, some may be raring to hit the streets and some may be ready to put their feet up and rest with a cup of tea (me!)  Thankfully, our family has embraced the “sometimes we do everything together and sometimes we split up” mode of travel. 

       We are all enjoying our much-anticipated family trip to Vancouver and Whistler.  It has been several years since our last trip to Canada but it was like returning home to places we had visited every year.  We always stay at the same hotel in Vancouver, The Sutton Place.  We love the neighborhood and know our way around.   We can walk to our favorite restaurants, Joe Forte’s and Al Porto (both still serving yummy food) so there’s no having to wait for everyone to come or go together.  We can walk in smaller groups that accommodate sightseers, shoppers, stragglers and speed walkers. Around the corner on Robson (a great shopping street) there is a multi level bookstore where you have to split up because it’s so big you’d never find each other, and across the street from the hotel there’s a movie theater where some of us caught a late night showing of the new Captain America movie.  

       This family dynamic of traveling together, but allowing for separate outings, serves us well.  Being flexible is essential for maximum enjoyment of any trip, but most certainly when traveling with a large group ranging in age from six to seventy.  This means sometimes being disappointed that everyone can’t be there for the whole trip.  Lauren and Dave had to miss the Vancouver portion because of a last minute work crisis, and Max had to cut his snowboarding short to return home for a Rough City performance.  We wish they could have been with us for everything, but as with all of life, you can either focus on what’s missing or enjoy what you have.  

       Fortunately we all share the love of the same traditions, many centered on favorite restaurants.  In Vancouver the most important tradition is brunch at the Teahouse in Stanley Park.  Now, this is no mere brunch.  It involves arriving an hour or so early so we can walk along the seawall at Ferguson Point and go down on the rocks to look for crabs.  This year Owen got within a few feet of a Blue Heron by slowly inching closer.  His patience and calm demeanor reflect his interest and love of animals.  We only wish we had put Max’s GoPro on his head so we all could have seen a close up of this gorgeous bird.  After brunch there is usually a trip to the petting zoo, a ride on the miniature train or a stop at the playground with the old style swings.

       The Teahouse is situated with a magnificent view of the bay, perfectly appointed tables and amazing food, where each dish vies for the best!   A long time friend who happened to be in Vancouver joined us for brunch.  It was fun catching up with him but when I asked about his lovely family his reply was a little vague.  He said the family was somewhat fractured at the moment.  On further conversation it turn out that it was over a friend of his - something about a grudge held by some family members from years ago.  They pronounced that this friendship was breaking up the family.  I couldn’t help but be struck by how much unhappiness people create in their own lives.  I know that he’s sad at this breach and feels torn, and I’m sure that his family is upset.  Something as simple as a perceived insult or injustice can have a devastating effect on relationships.   And it is literally, all in the power of a person’s perception.  The only way to get beyond this is to let go.  It can be as easy as taking a “live and let live” approach.  You don’t even have to agree, forgive or like each other, just let it go.  Even if this only happens on one side, it can make a difference.  When the person being judged decides not to take it personally, the other side may soften.  Or at least you won’t be caught in an endless cycle of hurt and resentment.  

       With several days left in this heavenly setting, I thank God that I am surrounded by a family that can go with the flow.  We have returned to our Whistler “home,” Club Intrawest, in the beautiful Upper Village.  It’s in the quiet part of town, across from the Chateau and next to the Four Seasons.  Perfect for families, the units have multiple bedrooms, baths and full kitchens, with great adult features, lots to do for kids and a great on-site market.  As with Vancouver, it is in our preferred location.  We are across from our favorite breakfast restaurant, Ciao Thyme Bistro (the Bob Loaded breakfast sandwich is a must) and minutes from the Blackcomb Mountain lodge and ski lift.  This location allows everyone to come and go with ease, and meet up within minutes for end of the day sustenance.  There is a park across the road with great paths through the woods and along a creek. It’s a lovely walk to the pedestrian-only village full of restaurants and shops, so the car only leaves the garage to go to the big market in town.  A week with out driving is a vacation in itself!

  

       

   Some of the flexible skiers and snowboarders by Blackcomb lift

                                           

Super skiing Owen enjoying his hot chocolate

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

       Aye, there’s the rub.  Of course, there's the metaphor of sleep as death and dreaming as afterlife, and the question of what dreams may come.  But there is also the issue of sleep as rest, and the tangle of dreams and sleep disruption that sometimes keep us from that rest.   Trouble sleeping comes in many forms.  Difficulty falling asleep is one, waking up after falling asleep and not being able to go back to sleep is another.  Then there is sleeping lightly, feeling half awake all night and waking in the morning not really knowing if you slept at all.

       At different times in my life I have experienced all forms of sleep “issues.”  I don’t call them sleep problems or difficulties anymore, since I’ve pretty much made peace with my various sleep patterns.  I’ve become more of an observer who is consciously involved in the many stages of my sleep and wakefulness.  My sleeping irregularities started when I became a mother.  Being awakened by infants and toddlers coupled with hormonal changes, made sleep a roller coaster experience.  During that time in my life I tried to use my “awake in the middle of the night” time to do something I wanted or needed to do.  When I couldn’t fall back to sleep I would get up and read, fold laundry or clean something.  My favorite was to clean out the junk drawer – that vital drawer in my kitchen where I put loose screws, scissors, pens, tacks, twist ties, rubber bands, clips, loose coins, glue and anything else left on the counter that didn’t belong.  I found that sorting, cleaning out and organizing kept my mind focused and was somehow soothing.  Usually, when I went back to bed I could doze off, or at least be more relaxed.

       Later in life I hit the double whammy of sleep interrupters – lying in bed listening for the sound of a teenager coming home, combined with the hormonal vagaries of menopause.  This was a recipe for many sleepless nights, and throughout these years I found ways to occupy my time during these extra hours.  A lot of my writing gets done in this “found” time.  It’s quiet, the phone isn’t ringing, it’s too dark to go into my yard and there’s nothing on my calendar at that hour.  Even if I’m just reading, sorting socks or tossing out magazines, at least I feel productive. 

       Sometimes, when my mind is fixated on solving a problem, from health to wealth, to how to resolve a dilemma in my house or garden, I use a daydreaming approach.  I close my eyes and don’t try to fall asleep.  I aim for that hazy, dozy state and I try to let my mind run wild with all the fantastic results I can imagine, with no attention paid to how to plan or pay for what I envision.  Nothing practical.  Pure fantasy.  This takes the pressure off of trying to fall back asleep, replaces worry with positive visions, and sometimes-even leads to an idea I can implement.

       I realize that it is my response to a night with little sleep that can create anxiety when I react with, “Oh no, I’m not getting enough sleep.  I’ll be exhausted tomorrow!”  This can escalate and then, on top of not getting much sleep, I’m stressed about the ramifications it will have the next day!  I also try not to freak out about the health tips that say you need 8-9 hours of sleep for optimal health.  If I kept score for my lifetime, I'd be way behind.  But I’m interested in my quality of life today, so my focus is feeling well rested and sneaking in naps when I need them.  When I do spend time in my bed lying awake in the middle of the night, I think about how lucky I am.  There are many people, all over the world and right close by, that would give anything to be lying in bed, in good health and well feed, next to the one they love.  I snuggle up in my comfortable bed; luxuriate in my warm and cozy bedding, and thank God for my blessings.

       When I do fall asleep, it is not with stress and tension, but with gratitude and joy in my heart.