Birthday Present

     I started my birthday celebrations off with a bang yesterday at a luncheon given by my friend Rose.  She made the most delicious quiche any of us had ever had.  It was about a two and a half inch high tower of moist, fluffy, cheesy delight with a hint of bacon, tomatoes and herbs, crowned with a flaky to-die-for crust.  Paired with a very tasty salad and finished with a desert specialty of hers that is a trifle-like meringue concoction rolled in sugared toasted almonds served with fresh berries.  Seated around her beautifully set table, in her impeccable home it was our group of six who work out in the same classes several times a week.  Truly a perfect way to approach the dawn of seventy-one years!  In my blog entry last May 9^th I mentioned these ladies and how much incentive it added that at least some of us go downstairs for tea and a good chat after we work out.

                              

       When I started this blog a year ago, it was with the awareness that time was growing exceedingly precious. Of course, time has always been precious; age has just put a spotlight on it.  It’s my awareness of this that has intensified, and it’s by keeping this on my daily radar that I can fulfill the plan I made: to create as much heaven as I can for myself and others as I move closer to the top of the stairway.  The gift I can give myself everyday is to remember Lazy Woman’s Commandment  # 2, and “live the moment you are living, while you are living it.” 

       Sound simple?  This is not as easy as it sounds.  It’s the subject of books and workshops, at the core of Buddhist meditations, and explained in detail by Eckhart Tolle in “The Power of Now.”  His account of how the ego views the present moment is a perfect description of the path my mind will take, if I don’t stop it in its tracks!   “To the ego, the present moment is, at best, only useful as a means to an end.  It gets you to some future moment that is considered more important, even though the future never comes except as the present moment and is therefore never more than a thought in your head.  In other words, you are never fully here because you are always busy trying to get elsewhere.”  When it senses a looming problem, my mind becomes fixated on trying to figure out what’s coming next so that I will be prepared to avert a crisis.  Or maybe I think that “preparing” myself for a negative outcome will make bad news easier to take.  Or maybe I’m just in a judging frenzy about how a project is going, or how someone else is performing.  Then there is the annoyed mind, where other drivers, noisy diners, loud cell phone talkers on the train, or rude people in cramped spaces have me all wound up.  This is an exhausting way to live when the present moment is gobbled up by fear, frustration or irritation. 

       The challenge is with the how to stay in the present moment, and the how is built on day-to-day awareness.  How will I get my mind in check when I start to get caught up in the future or dragged into re-writing yesterday?  My mind needs to be reminded to stay in the present regularly, so I try to start the day with prayers and meditation to get me headed in the right direction.  I also keep notes with reminders on the fridge door, in my car, in pockets and purses, so throughout the day I can regroup.  I print things like the Serenity Prayer or Lazy Woman’s Guide Commandments “This too shall pass,” “you are resting in the hands of God (the universe),” “you can either be right or happy” - and to really shift focus #6 “put your attention outside of yourself.”  I do something to draw my attention outside of my thoughts.  If I take action in the garden, with my animals, helping someone with something, really noticing the beauty all around me - in the sky, dew on leaves, the colors of the vegetables I am cutting – I become more present in the moment.  The present moment is only available RIGHT NOW!  Revel in it, ease into it – and if it’s a difficult one, try to relax and breathe.  Don’t put fear, and anxiety about what’s next, on top of what’s already difficult.  This moment is your life!  It’s the only one you can guarantee.  I thank God for the precious present.

         “Worry never robs tomorrow of it’s sorrow; it only saps 

              today of its strength.”  A.J. Cronin

                                         

Rufus, The Doggie Lama, brings the peace.

                        

 

New Year's Eve

                              

       The end of the year is drawing near, and the holiday that accompanies it is soon upon us.  My earliest memories of this celebration involve my parents, aunts and uncles and assorted friends in fancy clothes with lots of cocktails - Mad Men style!  Later in my life they disappeared to a club – Lions, Knights of Columbus, and ultimately a Country Club.  By then my brother and I were old enough to be home alone (in the old days that was probably 12 and 10) and we watched TV, ate chips with Lipton Soup onion dip and drank soda.  Staying up as late as we wanted, watching whatever we wanted on TV and having unmonitored junk food was all very exciting.  It was once a year and very special.  Yet I always had a nagging feeling of “is that all there is?”  The big hype about ringing in the “new year” and making resolutions held high expectations, but seemed anti-climactic.

       This changed somewhat when I got to the “partying” age myself.  Although I didn’t start to drink until I was 18 a lot of the boys I hung out with started several years earlier, and there was pressure to drink in order to have fun on New Year’s Eve.  I usually managed to avoid this, but when I hit college it was all about “partying” on New Year’s Eve.  Maybe it was my childhood memories of disappointment, but I never expected much from this holiday and felt like people were forcing the fun aspect.  “What are you doing for New Year’s” became more than a song lyric.  If you didn’t have a plan, a date, you felt somehow lacking - like prom-date-pressure in high school!  It became stressful trying to make sure you had exciting plans.

       When I was about thirty, and married with four daughters, we moved to Pasadena into a beautiful neighborhood that was the “formation” area for the Rose Parade.  This solves any New Year’s Eve dilemma!  When your neighborhood becomes ground zero for marching bands, parading horses, float line up and thousands of spectators heading toward the parade route, you have to either join the festivities or leave town! For the twenty-five years that we lived there it meant a New Year’s Eve party that was actually a big slumber party!  The guests were mostly my cousins and their families - the same crew from the Holiday Ebb & Flow blog, only we were younger!  We provided the house, they brought the sleeping bags and breakfast fixings.  I stayed out of the breakfast scene since there were already four sisters negotiating the timing, prep, service and the much-debated financial split for at least twenty-five people.  Most everyone actually walked up the street to the parade route with a couple of the men carrying ladders and a plank to set up behind the people in lawn chairs on the parkway.  This way our little ones had a great view and somehow the parade never really got old and you couldn’t help but be caught up in the excitement and festivities.  

                   

Calling The Snake with NewYear's Eve greetings!

Mike & J football watching & cat napping New Year's day!

       I have not gone to the Rose Parade since we moved from that neighborhood. We did have a few “sleep over” New Year’s Eve parties in our current house, but eventually that family tradition faded away.  Sometimes I see photos from those parties and I get nostalgic when I think of family and friends who have passed on or we don’t see much anymore.  Those are such fond memories, but I try to remember the whole picture and how exhausted I was for days afterwards.  It took lots of preparation, there were lots of people in my house for over 24 hours, there was lots of cleanup - and I didn’t get lots of sleep! 

                                    

Max & I walking home before the tourist buses take over the streets.

       These days my husband and I usually have a very sedate New Year’s Eve celebration.  Since we live in a big old house with lots of beds it can include some of our children and grandchildren and maybe some of their friends.  Sometimes our next-door neighbors have a lovely open house, but often the night includes a movie we have been looking forward to.  It is all about enjoying a day at a holiday pace, slacking on the to-do-list or just doing what we feel motivated to do – in other words, no pressure.

       I have a Facebook friend I have never met, but sometimes I know more about his daily life than I do about those I am close to.  Most of my Facebook “friends” are family, friends in my daily world or friends from the past.  Essentially we all share “the good bits” of our lives on Facebook.  Not many people post an unattractive selfie, a photo of an occasion they were in pain or a life event that was devastating.  This friend is different.  He posts it all, and with a wicked sense of humor.  He continues to deal with major medical issues, chemotherapy, healthcare system nightmares, and everyday survival while on his own with a life threatening illness.  As if this is not challenging enough several months ago his much loved partner passed after a long illness.  His posts have an honesty that is rare.  This is his life, unedited.  When I think about my motivation for starting the Stairway to Heaven blog a year ago, it was my desire to live my life as though every moment was the precious gift that it is, no matter what it held.  He has inspired me to dig deeper, look closer at my thoughts and my actions and edit out those that get in the way.  Happy New Year/Birthday, Rob and thank you for sharing!   

       So this is my New Year’s resolution.  I will continue to try to make the most of the gifts God has given me, and share my journey on the stairway to heaven.      

Holiday Ebb and Flow

                     

       Holidays are traditionally pictured with families gathered in various forms of celebration.  The images in books, magazines, movies, and most certainly in any advertising media, emphasize the family aspect of this holiday.  It is easy to feel like an odd man out at this time of the year, even if you are with family.  Sibling rivalry, married with children, no children, no partner, unmet desires for your life - these can all make holiday gatherings difficult.  The expectation to be a part of a loving family can shine the spotlight on flaws in your family ties and bring any grievances bubbling to the surface.  If you have any open wounds or major fractures in your familial relationships this can be the Titanic of holidays!

       I mentioned last time I was going to a party with extended family where I was on the “fringe” so to speak.  I am the last remaining member of my original family of four.  I have little to no contact with my father’s side of the family, but there is one branch on my mother’s side that is still in my life.  My uncle Don is 89 - the only family member still alive who is higher than me on the family tree – and these are his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  There are no fractures in my relationships with these family members and we share a lot of history, but little recent contact.  There are about 25 adults and loads of children - with two more on the way.  The children range from one to sixteen and although I know who’s who, I probably haven’t spoken to many of them.  I’ve never wanted to be that somewhat distant relative who needs recognition, or God forbid, a kiss for Auntie Judie! 

       This is a lovely Christmas party and it’s fun to see everyone and catch up with the three cousins I grew up with.  Each of these women married stellar men that became imbedded in our family, as did my stellar husband!  Maureen’s husband Mike died way too young, but in the years he was in our lives he was a loving and holy addition.  He is much missed, revered by everyone whose life he touched and still present in many conversations.  Tom and Jim are also men of faith, and I always feel blessed after connecting with them, no matter how short or infrequent our visits.  If you are a “once a year” relative at a family party that crosses generations and includes many people that are in each others lives regularly, it’s most enjoyable to leave your expectations for inclusion at home.  As with the party where I knew no one, the beauty is in the genuine connections.  One of my favorite moments this year was talking with the husband of one of my cousin’s daughters.  He is someone I really only know from his Facebook posts, but I loved talking with him about the beautiful pictures he posts and his hobbies.

       The ability to adapt your holiday expectations of family participation can make or break your holidays.  When we were first married we lived about a day’s drive from my parents.  They made it easy for us.  Christmas celebrations were on whatever day we could be there.  There was no pressure or disappointment if we couldn’t be there on the 24^th or 25^th, just happiness and joy when we gathered.  I learned from them to make the day we were together the “real” Christmas.

                         

         My dad died at sixty, which from my vantage point of seventy is very young, and within a year my mom was dating.  This meant that our holiday gatherings began to include her current boyfriend and sometimes even his family!  Now, this was not the top choice for our family, especially our teenaged daughters.  In order to make Christmas day more fun, we had brunch and gift opening at my mothers with her “guests,” then we added a late afternoon movie.  Our adaptation ended up creating a new tradition that our movie-loving family members still look forward to.  This year is no exception with most of the family going to see “Unbroken” (several of us read and loved the book,) Lisa taking the younger kids to “Annie,” and then meeting after for a Chinese food dinner – another tradition started when we were balancing out my mother’s “boyfriend with family” holiday gatherings! 

       I guess it’s really just what applies to all of life.  If you let go of any ridged pictures of what the holiday should be like, you can relax and enjoy the moment.  No matter how frantic the preparations become, whatever loose ends never get tied up, in the end, the only way to have fun is be ok with what is.  It’s just the ebb and flow of life, so why not enjoy the ride.

                       

Christmas Eve day at Magic Mountain - 20 years & counting!