Aye,
there’s the rub. Of course, there's the
metaphor of sleep as death and dreaming as afterlife, and the question of what
dreams may come. But there is also the
issue of sleep as rest, and the tangle of dreams and sleep disruption that
sometimes keep us from that rest.
Trouble sleeping comes in many forms.
Difficulty falling asleep is one, waking up after falling asleep and not
being able to go back to sleep is another.
Then there is sleeping lightly, feeling half awake all night and waking
in the morning not really knowing if you slept at all.
At
different times in my life I have experienced all forms of sleep “issues.” I don’t call them sleep problems or difficulties
anymore, since I’ve pretty much made peace with my various sleep patterns. I’ve become more of an observer who is
consciously involved in the many stages of my sleep and wakefulness. My sleeping irregularities started when I
became a mother. Being awakened by
infants and toddlers coupled with hormonal changes, made sleep a roller coaster
experience. During that time in my life
I tried to use my “awake in the middle of the night” time to do something I
wanted or needed to do. When I couldn’t
fall back to sleep I would get up and read, fold laundry or clean
something. My favorite was to clean out
the junk drawer – that vital drawer in my kitchen where I put loose screws, scissors,
pens, tacks, twist ties, rubber bands, clips, loose coins, glue and anything
else left on the counter that didn’t belong. I found that sorting, cleaning out and
organizing kept my mind focused and was somehow soothing. Usually, when I went back to bed I could doze
off, or at least be more relaxed.
Later
in life I hit the double whammy of sleep interrupters – lying in bed listening
for the sound of a teenager coming home, combined with the hormonal vagaries of
menopause. This was a recipe for many
sleepless nights, and throughout these years I found ways to occupy my time
during these extra hours. A lot of my
writing gets done in this “found” time.
It’s quiet, the phone isn’t ringing, it’s too dark to go into my yard and
there’s nothing on my calendar at that hour.
Even if I’m just reading, sorting socks or tossing out magazines, at
least I feel productive.
Sometimes,
when my mind is fixated on solving a problem, from health to wealth, to how to resolve
a dilemma in my house or garden, I use a daydreaming approach. I close my eyes and don’t try to fall asleep. I
aim for that hazy, dozy state and I try to let my mind run wild with all the
fantastic results I can imagine, with no attention paid to how to plan or pay
for what I envision. Nothing
practical. Pure fantasy. This takes the pressure off of trying to fall
back asleep, replaces worry with positive visions, and sometimes-even leads to
an idea I can implement.
I
realize that it is my response to a night with little sleep that can create anxiety when I
react with, “Oh no, I’m not getting enough sleep. I’ll be exhausted tomorrow!” This can escalate and then, on top of not
getting much sleep, I’m stressed about the ramifications it will have the next
day! I also try not to freak out about
the health tips that say you need 8-9 hours of sleep for optimal health. If I kept score for my lifetime, I'd be way
behind. But I’m interested in my quality
of life today, so my focus is feeling well rested and sneaking in naps when I
need them. When I do spend time in my
bed lying awake in the middle of the night, I think about how lucky I am. There are many people, all over the world and
right close by, that would give anything to be lying in bed, in good health and
well feed, next to the one they love. I
snuggle up in my comfortable bed; luxuriate in my warm and cozy bedding, and thank
God for my blessings.
When
I do fall asleep, it is not with stress and tension, but
with gratitude and joy in my heart.
