In
my entry, “Wrinkles and Waves,” I mentioned that I get a daily reminder of my
age when I sit down at the mirror in the morning. I have one of those magnifying mirrors that
sits on a dressing table in a sunny window, so I can actually see what I’m doing
when I prepare my face to meet the the day.
This ritual usually includes nourishing oil, moisturizing sunscreen and
tinted moisturizer. If I have time I sit
at the mirror long enough to deal with stray eyebrows, taking special note of
any that have strayed south into chin territory. Whatever the duration, it is impossible to
mistake the passage of time that shows on my skin.
I
have flirted with the idea of seeking one of the modern miracles offered for
keeping a youthful face, but there are so many different procedures that it’s
daunting. The dermatologist’s office has
brochures about what’s available, and magazine and TV ads show impressive
before and after photos. But when I look
at some of the faces on film of women in my age bracket they can be pretty
scary! I figure that celebrities have
access to the best in the business, and way more money than I do; yet some of
them end up looking so odd. The results
of their cosmetic tinkering gone awry is regular fodder for tabloid cover
stories (a particular favorite of mine in the check-out line.) Clearly, it’s a big gamble choosing the right
doctor and the right procedure. I
haven’t ruled out giving something a try in the future but for now I’ll stick
with what I know.
I
have had several “spot removal” sessions at the dermatologist over the last few
years. It’s quick, inexpensive, and with
no down time. Don’t know what it’s
called but several times I have had spots “frozen” on my arms, hands and face. They scab up, fall off and are gone or leave
a much lighter mark. I have also had what
I think is called a glycolic acid peel.
The solution is applied to my face, left on for about five minutes, and
then rinsed off. My skin looks and feels
like I got too much sun, is dry for about a week, flakes a bit and then has a
nice glow for quite some time.
I
hadn’t done this in about a year so last week I went in for the mild peel. When the dermatologist looked at my chart he
told me that the last time he had used a certain strength and left it on for so
many minutes. He then asked how I had tolerated it. Using a hazy year old memory of my last
session I told him I had a mild reaction.
He asked if I wanted to try a bit stronger and longer. Well, I wanted to freshen up my face, didn’t
I?
The
results, in chronological order: 1) When
I rinsed it off after seven stinging minutes, I forgot to close my eyes so it
stung my eyes until I remembered to shut them.
2) By the time I got home my face was so “sun burned” that I put ice
packs on it 3) The skin around my eyes filled up with fluid and got puffy. 4)
The next day I cancelled all plans and stayed in.
On
day three the real test began. The white caps that I wrote of in my last entry
caused me to be in a public place for about five hours. All I could put on my face before leaving the
house was some healing oil, so I was aware that I looked pretty bad. Puffy-eyed and fiery-faced, I looked as if I
had been in some sort of accident. I was
so focused on the task at hand that mostly I forgot my face, but occasionally I
did have to interact with people, or make eye contact and I felt uncomfortable.
During the hours that I was in public, mostly
listening and waiting for it to be over, I reflected on the role my appearance
plays in my sense of wellbeing. Among
the things that I noticed was that after awhile my appearance was not on my
mind until physical symptoms reminded me – my eyes started to water or my skin
felt particularly hot and tight. Then I
would get self-conscious again and think that everyone in the room must be
wondering what happened to me. It is not
enjoyable to feel ill at ease, to think everyone thinks that something is wrong
with you. It is also very self-centered. People have their own issues, their own
agendas on their minds, not how I look.
My issues about my appearance are just that, my issues. My thoughts when I see “flaws” in myself –
wrinkles, spots, and extra pounds – are created in my head. There is not a panel of people I come in
contact with rating me on a daily basis.
Well,
the redness is gone, my eyes are back to normal and there is a nice glow to my
skin. I will probably do this again next
year - not quite so long and with my eyes closed tight during the rinse! And I may indulge in some other skin therapy,
but I will make sure that my last look before I step away from the mirror for
the day is into the non-magnified side, with my glasses off! After all, I don’t really want to focus on
every flaw, but then I don’t want to erase the passage of time from my face
altogether. Not only would that lead me
in the direction of some of the truly scary faces I see on aging celebrities,
but it would undo the traces of the passage of time I see in my mirror. Just as the Old Masters embraced in their
paintings, the little black speck on the piece of fruit, the natures mortes, the notion of ‘death in life,’ I want my face to mirror what is
happening in my life.
Visiting the zoo I noticed hippo's glowing skin!
