I’ve seen some
posters and T-shirts with the saying “Don’t make me release the flying monkeys”
or a very cute plaque that reads, “I’ve got flying monkeys and I’m not afraid
to use them.” This, of course, brings to
mind the image of the Wicked Witch from “The Wizard of Oz” releasing her flying
monkeys - complete with that music of impending doom. It’s bad news for Dorothy, her cohorts,
“and her little dog too!” These T-shirts
and posters are meant to be clever, and maybe a bit of warning that the owner
is not to be trifled with. Once, I
almost got a particularly stylish plaque for my office that read, “You know
it’s been a good day when I didn’t have to unleash the flying monkeys on you.”
Recently,
I started to think about what people meant by releasing their “flying
monkeys.” I can’t be sure of anyone’s
intentions, but I’m guessing it’s an unleashing of pent up judgment, frustration
and anger - a verbal barrage of some sort.
I can certainly identify moments when I’ve done this, most frequently in
arguments with my husband in the earlier years of our marriage. The obvious culprits are the people who become
enraged - yell, use obscenities, and try to intimidate someone with their
anger. These are the people who really
“fly off the handle” and lose their temper.
In our case this would have been my husband. Now, he didn’t do it very often, but when he
did, even the dog ran for cover.
My
“flying monkeys” were much more subtle.
I actually felt they were helpful creatures. I became somewhat dispassionately reasonable
and my brain would go in to hyper-drive to find the right words to counter the
attack. The words “manipulate” and
“passive aggressive” come to mind, although I also had my share of flying off
the handle monkeys.
Over
the almost fifty years that we’ve been married, we each have been blessed along
the way with the willingness to look at what makes us tick. As our insight into our own behavior, our
role in our own misery (credit Dennis Prager for that choice of words,) has grown;
we have left many of the monkeys behind.
The most recent assists have come from the Ala-Non program. The daily readers “One Day at a Time in
Ala-Non” and “Courage to Change” always provide inspiration.
Recently,
when we were going through a challenging time with someone we love, my husband
was ready to unleash some flying monkeys.
He was rehearsing some of his thoughts when I suggested we do our daily meditative reading. He picked up “One Day at a Time
in Ala-Non” and read: “…Does the voice of God have a chance to be heard over my
angry shouting? What is the purpose of
letting myself fly apart in reckless tantrums? I cannot punish anyone without
punishing myself. The release of my
tensions, even if it seems justified, leaves dregs of bitterness behind. Unless I have deliberately decided that my
relationship has no further value in my life, I would do well to consider the
long-range benefits of quiet acceptance in times of stress.”
Now, this is a man who read “Conversations with God” years ago and has been open to
the many ways God speaks to us, so he got the message immediately. His position changed from judgment and anger,
to love and compassion, and the relationship in question is not only thriving but growing
deeper every day. My mind had already been playing with the idea of hurtful words used as “flying monkeys,” so this reading was part of my on-going
conversations with God.
Meanwhile, why
not banish the “flying monkeys?”
