A FAMILY TO BE THANKFUL FOR: A MIXED BAG OF BLESSINGS

     

THE USUAL SUSPECTS!

                  

       JP and I started our family when we got married 51 years ago.  We both came from intact families, his large, mine small, his wild and crazy, mine more subdued, but in both cases our parents were in it for the long haul.  When we married, it was for life, no escape clause.  We have managed to make this work, but as they say “it ain’t always pretty.”  This fall we had an abundance of blessings with a lot of moving parts. 

       In early October we spent four days celebrating our fiftieth reunion.  The weekend was all fun but encompassed several somewhat formal gatherings, some social unease, and some negotiation with JP about when to leave the parties!  The two-day extension in Carmel to gather at parties hosted by classmates was also fun, but had a bit more sense of urgency on my part because the day after we returned home we were leaving for our son Max’s wedding in Australia.  Now all of this is very positive and exciting, but there is a level of stress to the packing, the travel, people you haven’t seen in years, and in the case of the wedding, people we’ve never met but are going to be related to!    

VIEW FROM JULIE & PETER'S DECK

The reunion was wonderful and The Australia wedding was a dream, but all of it involved an element of putting myself out
there socially with people I don’t really know. We already knew and loved Max’s wife Jess, and as she predicted, we fit right in with her family.  We stayed several nights at Julie and Peter’s (her parents) home (where I could sit on the deck and watch birds in what looked to me like Jurassic Park), and I was thrilled to be enlisted to help Jess and Julie with the flowers at the gorgeous wedding venue.  We were able to spend a few more days with them exploring the “bush” right out their back door, going up the coast to explore Caves Beach and Lake Macquarie, and a highlight for me – walking amongst kangaroos and spending alone time petting koalas.  We truly feel that we now have family in Australia.

MEET THE PARENTS!  JUDIE & JP and JULIE & PETER

       Fortunately, either through personality, or 51 years of marriage, JP and I, for the most part, have a similar style of going with the flow.  I have also learned that sometimes I just retreat, either to a quiet corner, or a hotel room if we have one handy.  The crucial thing is that I have learned to take care of myself in this way, and not expect him to feel the same need and accompany me.  We had both agreed to stopping in New Zealand on our way home for some sightseeing (I was fixated on seeing Hobbiton and it did not disappoint) but this extension began to put pressure on me because we were putting a wedding on for Max and Jess in our home 18 days after returning.       

YES, IT IS ME WITH JP IN HOBBITON!

       I am reminded of the old Mickey Rooney/Judy Garland movies where he said, “Hey kids, let’s put on a show” only this was a wedding.  It was Max and Jess and JP and me (mostly Jess and me) but now it was crunch time.  It had been a lead up of months with many decisions made, orders placed and materials gathered; yet in the end there was an enormous amount to do.  Adding to the last minute pressure was the caterer disappearing at the eleventh hour (I mean the Thursday night before the Saturday wedding!)  At the exact moment we found out, we were having a family tea/shower for Jess and gathering after for a dinner to surprise her with her brother who had flown in from Australia to walk her down the aisle.  

MATT G. IS THE SURPRISE GUEST

Max’s sisters immediately started brainstorming and I was calculating where to rent warming dishes and who to hire as servers.   Lauren got on her cell phone and by the time we returned from dinner she had a local restaurant that caters at the house to check out the venue and give us a price – which we, of course, took!     

SISTERS TOAST THE NEWLYWEDS

                                           
             

MOTHER WATCHING SISTERS TOAST!

                                 

                                 

       With everyone in the family working, plus our awesome neighbor Jill and two workers we hired, we got it all together and even managed to be somewhat present and enjoy the wedding.  There was an element of chaos in the upstairs with sleep-over visitors – Jess’s brother Matt from Australia, Jilann in from Paris, Brad from San Mateo, Max’s birth sisters, Angela and Alicia and their kids from out of town, and Lisa, Matt, Conor, Quinn, Lily and Owen from San Clemente – needless to say inflatable beds were involved and personal “stuff” was all over.  It was messy but filled with cozy, slumber party energy.

                      

THE WHOLE FAMILY WITH RUFUS THE "BEST DOG"

       Twelve days later came Thanksgiving.  Now it was time to seriously discuss whether to just try to make a reservation and eat out, do an abbreviated dinner, or go for the Full Monty.  This was mostly discussed by the women, because, let’s face it, that’s who does most of the work.  I know, there may be men who do a lot of the cooking, table setting, etc, but in our world, the men may help put the big leaves in the table and carve the turkey, but most of their time is spent in front of the TV watching sports.  

       As the adage goes, “the devil is in the details.”  It is way too complicated to explain but let me just say that JP & I, and all siblings were polled (repeatedly!) to try to decide how much to deviate from our usual big formal table in the dining room with every traditional family turkey day side dish and desert.  During this period there were many ideas floated, a few feathers ruffled and at one point it sounded like some family members would make other plans.  JP and I stayed fairly consistent in our opinion that we would be ok with whatever they decided.  I don’t really know how the sisters worked it out, but in the end all were there and the table was a hybrid of the usual, just missing elaborate décor, and the dinner was traditional minus the stuffing.  I am the stuffing maker and flower arranger so by that time, I had not only accepted the concept of an “abbreviated” Thanksgiving dinner, but was looking forward to less work for me! 

       It was a lovely family gathering, including our extended family member, Barry O’Rourke, and our new addition, Jess’s brother Matt.  As we were going around the table giving our individual “what we’re thankful for” comments I was thinking about the wonder of being able to let things go.  It’s really a big ball of forgiveness, wrapped in “don’t take it personal” that allows people to drop their attachment to their opinion and come together at an occasion that is not necessarily the way they wanted it to be.  I am grateful that our family members all seem to have developed this ability, and no matter how messy the process, they can come together in the end and give thanks.

MAX KEEPING ME HONEST AT TABOO DURING OUR AFTER DINNER GAMES