Last week my husband and I were looking
forward to spending a few days with old friends. We try to get together every year when they
spend the summer at their cabin in Lake Tahoe.
They live on the east coast the rest of the year so this is the closest
they are to where we live in southern California. Scott and my husband JP went to elementary
school together, and I have loved spending time with Shelly since we shared our
first years as moms of newborn infants and toddlers. We needed a break from some pretty intense
work situations. JP had some challenging contracts and I have had what seems a
never ending re-do on my yard. The four of us have very similar ideas about
enjoying our time together that involves a lot of talking, some good casual
eating and a little getting out and about. Add the beauty of the lake and
surrounding mountains and there was plenty of incentive to make this trip.
The only hurdle is getting there. Flying includes not only the inconvenience of
the whole airport hassle at LAX, but the closest airport to Tahoe is in Reno,
NV. Then there is getting up to Lake Tahoe from Reno after landing, so in all
it would be at least a five hour trip. Driving
from LA is about seven and a half hours.
We usually drive but if we could do a Star Trek move and “beam”
ourselves up there we would. Either way it takes a good part of a day to
get there. JP’s job is to drive and my
job is to provide food and entertainment.
As my family well knows I do not take a long car trip with out bringing
food, and I bring music and audiobooks to augment my ability to talk with gusto
on almost any topic (excluding sports.)
Our first night there we did a lot
of catching up, and over dinner Shelly shared about a book, “The Whole 30,” with
a food plan she had been following with really great results. J.P. has recently been given a low oxalate
meal plan for kidney stones, so much of our conversation was about cutting out
certain foods that you may crave but aren’t good for your health. This, of course, brought up the reality the
sometimes you have to do something you don’t like, to get something that you
do. I remember a saying (not that I can
follow it) that goes something like this “no food tastes as good as skinny
looks.”
We were joined one night for dinner by a
mutual friend, Joan, and had a lovely time catching up with her. She has had some health issues, which at our
age is especially sobering, and it’s compounded by the fact that she has
carried a lot of weight for years. She lost
quite a bit last year when she had surgery and at that time talked of exercising
and making healthier choices. When we met her for dinner she had clearly
regained a lot of the weight. We talked
about her surgery and her health, but her weight was definitely the elephant in
the room. It compromises her health and longevity, but she doesn’t acknowledge
it. Because of Shelly’s food plan and
JP’s low oxalate restrictions there was talk of excluding certain things on the
menu and about what foods they could eat.
Joan didn’t really seem to engage in this conversation and ate and drank,
with what appeared to be, no limitations.
If you have ever observed in someone you
care about (or in yourself) the denial or avoidance of dealing with an issue
that is harming their well-being, you’ve got the picture. If you have the good fortune, either through
nature or hard work, of being someone who sees themself fairly
honestly, you have the possibility of making changes. I’m not saying that it's easy, but at least you have the
opportunity to do something about it.
It’s like with addiction (often the unrealized part of eating) – once
you declare your addiction you are at least in the game.
There is one thing that is certain, you
cannot make someone else look honestly at the things they do that are creating
their difficulties. You can try to inspire, advise or share information, but
insight into one’s own behavior and motivation is strictly personal. I have to keep my eyes on my own tendencies
to avoid the things I don’t really want to do while I do the things I like,
until there is no time for the former!
I try to make difficult things more palatable, which is why I like snack
food and entertainment on a long car trip.
I also try to shake things up when I can so I suggested we take the
“less direct” way home. We drove home “the back way” on highway 395 and it wasn’t any shorter, but it was much
prettier and seemed to go faster. Sometimes that’s as good as it gets.
