When packing for my 50th
college reunion I was trying to put together some flattering outfits that were
suitable for the different occasions. I
wanted to chose clothes that were the most stylish, didn’t make me feel like I was in a
sausage casing (but also weren’t baggy) and then, of course, I had to find cute
shoes that would not cut off the circulation in my toes. As I was looking through my choices and
actually trying things on in front of a mirror (really not much fun) I had
plenty of time to think about the different events and people I would see. I looked forward to seeing old friends but
there were a couple of people I was a little wary of seeing.
It
can be challenging sometimes to find your fit with people you see socially on a
regular basis, but this can increase when it’s a group of friends and
acquaintances you haven’t seen in years.
There can’t help but be an element of assessing how people have aged,
and I just didn’t want to look the “oldest!”
Even when I was confident that I
had made the best choices with my wardrobe, I was still a little apprehensive
how I would fit in with the group. My
husband and I were a couple starting in our sophomore year of college, so I was
somewhat MIA from many dorm activities and girl’s connections. It probably doesn’t help that I tend to be
pretty independent, and at that stage of life mostly focused on myself, and
clueless as to how my attitude affected others.
Social
media has created a window into who are getting together, where they are
traveling, what they are celebrating, and perhaps, a false sense of
connectedness. I realized that I don’t
really know what’s going on in another person’s life. Judging them by their posted pictures, phone
calls they didn’t return or invitations not received is going to block any
chance I have for connection with others.
There is a key to acceptance and forgiveness articulated in a book I
never read (my husband did) called “The Four Agreements,” but I have its tenets
in a magnet on my fridge. This principal
has changed my life – “Don’t take it personal.”
Doing this resolves every perceived slight or exclusion. It creates an open heart, which is all you
really need to enjoy anyone’s company.
As
I finished packing my wandering mind hit upon how grateful I was for the people
and places I have experienced over the years.
I am not in college anymore and it’s ok to feel awkward with people I
haven’t seen in years. Fifty-one years
into my marriage I can honestly say it is better than ever and much of that
quality is due to our realization that forgiveness and gratitude are the keys
to that happiness. There it was - the
only things I really needed to bring to our reunion were gratitude, forgiveness
and an open heart.
