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| Christmas tree close-up |
How come this season of celebrating often
feels a little frantic, chaotic or even unsettling? I’m not pondering the true meaning of
Christmas, Hanukkah or any other combination of winter celebrations. It’s just the time of year when we have
certain expectations – about decorations, gifts, food, family gatherings and
other “holiday” parties. For me this
generates a mixed bag of emotions. I
love Christmas decorations and I love putting out these once a year
treasures. What I must watch for is
getting carried away and having my setting-up stage exhaust me to a point where
the fun falls into the minus pool.
Anyone who has ever seen my Christmas tree probably thinks I am
understating this reality. This year I did
put a stop notice on my tree decorating by packing up the boxes and putting them
away before I could haul out more ornaments. And yes, I could still see places on the tree
where I could have fit another one!
In
the decorating department I can hold the chaos down by reining myself in and
thinking ahead to how much time a project will take. No more late night spur of the moment
starting the winter wonderland village in the library, then spending the next
three days working on it because I got too far in to turn back. This takes a little discipline at the outset
but saves my bacon in the realm of exhaustion. When it comes to parties, I
have orchestrated a “Santa” party for the last twenty years. It started when my 25 year old son was in
pre-school and I had the bright idea to rent a Santa suit, enlist someone to
wear it and invite his new friends and their families for a visit from
Santa. It involves a potluck meal,
singing Christmas songs and a “surprise” visit from Santa (in the suit that
lives in my attic!) I have everyone give
me a wrapped book for his or her child ahead of time, so that it can be pulled
from Santa’s pack! The children, sitting
on the rug in the entry looking up the big staircase for Santa, backed by their
parents, all singing carols, wait for the sound of reindeer bells and ho, ho,
ho as Santa finally circles down the stairs.
Since I am often one of Santa’s “helpers” I get to see their faces and
that makes all my party preparation worthwhile.
We
also have each family bring an un-wrapped toy to donate to a local foster
children’s group home and delivering those toys is very satisfying. I started
this for my young son and have worked through my four grandchildren, each of
them continuing to get a book from Santa well into their teens. I love that they are willing to participate
and keep the magic alive for the younger ones, and my seven-year-old grandson Owen is fully
on-board. The party has grown in numbers
to include friends who have small children and friends of friends. This is a party where all the work pays off
and I get the gift of sharing my abundance.
There
are two kinds of holiday parties that I find challenging: the ones where everyone seems to know each
other and I don’t know anyone, and the one where I know people, perhaps I’m
even related to them, and yet I haven’t seen them in a long time and they are
talking about shared experiences where I haven’t a clue. I went to the first kind of party last
weekend. It was hosted by a lovely
couple we’ve known for years that live about an hour from us. They have a beautiful home, decked out for
Christmas, and jam-packed with chatting guests.
Most of their friends come from two places – college and the golf club,
with some overlap. We are among the few
that fall into neither category.
This
is a case of entering their open front door to a room full of people, in groups
of lively conversations. The hostess
greets us, we have a few moments with her and it is off into the fray to find
her husband. Since my husband is the one
person I am sure to know, I try to stay with him but we got separated making
our way through the crowded rooms heading toward the bar on the patio. I found myself in a small hallway and
realized I was totally on my own in a sea of strangers. For a moment I panicked and didn’t really
know where to go, when I noticed a large pin-up board covered with snapshots. There must have been a hundred of them and I
began to look at each one. Many of them
were with their friends on different golf courses, some that looked like resort
vacation shots and plenty with different friends around the table raising their
glasses in a toast. As I became more
focused on each photo, seeing each element, I realized that I had lost most of
my discomfort and had become very calm.
I was actually applying “Lazy Woman” commandment #2 and experiencing the
moment I was living while I was living it!
I
realized that I was no longer absorbed by the thoughts in my head, but was
looking with awareness at the details of each photo. When I finally left the small hall and found
my husband on the patio, I was calm and able to actually be present with the
people I introduced myself to. I chatted
with a warm and friendly man who told me how his wife had been diagnosed two
years ago with dementia and would have been too overwhelmed by the party so she
had stayed at home. He talked of how
they were handling it, they way they adapted their lifestyle to still enjoy
where they were right now. His sharing
was a greater example of the shift I had made in the hallway when I stopped focusing
on the negative – not knowing anyone – and started to just enjoy the
moment. He said that they pray every
morning, to just enjoy the day, whatever it brings.
Next
weekend brings the second kind of challenging party with extended family that I
am kind of a part of, but on the outer edge, so to speak. Here is another opportunity to practice what
I preach, and go to the party with awareness and openness. If I only really connect with one person,
like the lovely man I chatted with last weekend, it is a heartwarming moment
that enriches my holiday spirit.
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| It's not Christmas 'til there are monkeys on the mantle! |
