White Caps

       When I am writing, it seems that my life just keeps handing me subject matter!  I start to observe myself; my reactions, my thoughts, my feelings, and voila, there is something to be learned, a choice to be made.  In the last week, I have been presented with a little turbulence, not huge waves, but enough to cause some white caps.  As is always the case, no amount of praying or meditating totally calms my mind when there is a crisis.  The beauty is that turning to prayer and meditation helps me accept and begin to see that my thoughts are luring me into the burden of figuring out and fixing things.

        Each thought has two parts, the information and the emotional reaction.  And, if it involves another person, often the information is a guess, an assumption based on their actions, non-verbal cues or past history.  Anyone who has suspected a loved one of any behavior that is a threat to them or your relationship with them knows what it is like to try to “read the tea leaves.”  You are grabbing at straws, but if you believe what you feel, it doesn’t matter if it’s real.  You suffer the same doubt or fear as if it is a fact. Whether or not it’s all just a projection, my mind gets busy trying to solve the puzzle, trying to figure out whether to spring in to action, what to do.  This sometimes appears as straight up worry, but often it is just a kind of underlying apprehension.  Some worries invade my mind to the degree I feel anxious and have trouble sleeping, but even when it has a lesser impact, a worrisome mind does not make for joyful living!

During this past week I have been able to stand outside of my worry enough to see how I can ease it’s grip.  Of course there are my old standbys, prayer and replacing the thought, but when I am swept away by emotion and can’t stop the mind chatter I need to add another element.  I noticed that I was sighing a lot, even while driving, gardening, exercising or talking, that I needed to take a big breath.  So how about adding some conscious breathing.   There is information online about different breathing exercises for relaxing, stimulating, meditating or for general health and well-being.   If I just inhale slowly through my nose to a count of 6-8 and exhale to a similar count it slows my heart rate and shifts my attention.  This focused, rhythmic breathing, even while in a waiting room or in line at the bank, takes me out of my thoughts and helps bring me back to the present.  It allows me to focus on what I am doing right now, not living something in my mind that may never happen.   

Yes, this is all pretty simple, but it’s the actual doing that is the challenge.  My three-point plan today for a churning mind is:

1. A simple prayer: “God guide me, give me the strength for whatever may come.”  2.  My replacement thought:  All my family on our favorite trip to Vancouver and Whistler, laughing and eating in one of our favorite restaurants. 3. Breathe:  Count as I inhale slowly through the nose, and exhale focusing on the breath as I count.

I feel better already!